watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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