She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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