how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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