"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
