Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
