Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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