and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
