he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
