Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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