everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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