I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
