How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
These tits shall not be calmed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
