you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
