Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
