Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
