:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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