I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
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I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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