apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
