hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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