I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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