what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize