an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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