ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
