quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize