Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
