i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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