Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
