You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
