I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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