Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
