my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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