During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
