there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize