I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
