You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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