Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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