have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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