I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
a search helicopter?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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