Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
