I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
