Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
