I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
