dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
