You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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