Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize