when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I came so hard my ears popped.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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