left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
