he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
