woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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