let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
