i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
