Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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