either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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