i was born a porn star she said
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
