Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
