I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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