After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
