i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
