I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we should paint friendship bongs
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