shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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