Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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