Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
