Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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