i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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