he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
