I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
