Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
