They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
