i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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