It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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